04/23 long time no see

It's April of my senior year. I remember being a senior in high school in April. There was so much hope and anticipation. I know part of that is being 17. There is also a lot of anticipation and excitement right now - where am I going to live? With who? What is my job going to be? Where? Will I get a boyfriend? Will **** try to text me? Will anyone from my past text me to say congratulations? There is also a lot of mourning and sadness in less than two months. I won't be a student anymore. I'll talk about my "college roommates" in the past tense. I will actually have to be a real adult. In my five-year plan in high school, it's about time for me to get married (what was wrong with me). I have to learn to cook for real. I should learn how to curl my hair. But I feel like I'm 17 still. I feel like sure, maybe I'm old enough to graduate from high school, but from college? No. And I even took an extra year. I lived in NYC for two years. Not many people from home can say that I am proud of myself and the friendships I have made. I know my friendships are a reflection of myself and I am proud of who I see in the mirror. I see the girlfriend I was, the wife I am going to be, the friend I am, and the girl that I used to be no longer stares at me back in the mirror with sad lifeless eyes. I am no longer drowning in sadness like I see my own handwriting traced on these pages before. I am free from that version of me. And even if being 22 and almost a college graduate is a hard pill for me to swallow, at least I know that at 22 I know I am much happier than I was at 19 - and that makes getting older a much less overwhelming reality.